Why My Daughter is Looking Forward to Remote Learning | Vancouver, WA Photographer
April Nissen Photography
When we finally heard the news that we would be starting school from home this year, I stopped to ask each of my girls how they were feeling about it. My six year old said she was glad. She didn't want to go back to school because recess is scary and kids at school are mean. Naturally I asked her to tell me more about that.
"They say mean things to me. And two boys pulled their pants down. And there's this one boy who chokes kids."
And then she cried and we sat for a while.
My girls often share these kind of hurts with me. Fears, moments, concerns that weigh on their hearts. This is the burden of parenthood. We listen and carry their hurts and we do our best to equip them with the strategies they need to address the challenges they face each day and we hope our compassion and their relationship with God is enough to overcome the things that sometimes overwhelm them.
I was a teacher and I know how challenging it is to problem solve with many children each day when you're also trying to teach and I can only imagine the challenge of doing this at recess with 100+ kids. We teach kids about big problems and little problems and then we try to give them the tools to solve their own little problems so that we don't have to intervene with every little thing. I do the same thing with my girls at home. I want to raise independent, strong girls.
But here's the rub. Those little problems don't feel little to them. And many children, sensitive children in particular, hold on to them and when they are taught to never tattle, they also fear just talking with someone about what's weighing on their hearts. And then it bubbles over, sometimes into sadness and other times into anger and acts of aggression. I've certainly seen it in my girls when I ask them, "Did you talk to someone about that?" And they respond, "I'm not supposed to tattle."
This is why we can't just have hard and fast rules about how we deal with kids. Zero tolerance tattling doesn't work because what feels like tattling to us is sometimes just needing to be heard. Compassion, let me see you as a human being, treat you as an individual, this builds trust and provides safety. I'll admit, this is not my natural tendency, especially in times of stress. My kids know, when I'm stressed, I fall back on rigid routines and expectations and poor listening skills.
But this is what I really want to work on. The ability to just see people and hear people, especially my kids. I don't want to solve their problems for them. They can do that. But I want them to know when they need to just feel heard, I'm there. Everybody needs that.
Now enjoy these photos of my sweet friends and their beautiful daughters.
